Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
