Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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