ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
