Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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