I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
