Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
