you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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