Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
