I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
