Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
