Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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