she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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