If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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