i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
