the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
