PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
