you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
my poor anus
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
