3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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