Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
