I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sext me about skeletons
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
