Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
