We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
