Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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