i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
