I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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