I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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