You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
