we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
