why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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