and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
