I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
