not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
