he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
