Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
