I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
