the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
