No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
This baby is an asshole
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
