Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
what day is it and did you see me today?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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