I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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