I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
