need another drink. this is the easiest way
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
