i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So apparently I’m into choking now
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
