I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
