Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
