This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
