My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
