yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
