I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
