I skipped work to stalk him.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
