Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
