You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
